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Diary Of A Mad Fan: Hollywood's Out Of Ideas And I'm Out Of My Mind!!!

HorrorHound #32’s centerpiece is the Duel of the Remakes article, which got me to thinking (I smell burnt brain cells)… While there are some flicks that (IMHO) were not in dire need of a remake, there are plenty that might benefit from a re-tooling.

Think about it. Friday the 13th, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street… some filmmakers and producers justified these remakes by insting they wanted to reintroduce these (still) iconic characters to the next generation of horror fans. Really? These guys are fading faster than a dog fart in a car? Sniff, sniff. I smell bullshit. While there may be a shred of truth to that (maybe), I’m more inclined to believe these remakes were motivated by money. Gasp! No. You don’t say. Yes, my fellow Bidites, I do say.



Remakes have become the trendy go-to source for Hollywood’s moneymaking inspiration, and horror movies aren’t the only genre to have to deal with this bit of crunch. Comedies, Dramas, Thrillers, Action, Sci-Fi, Fantasy… Have these fools really run out of ideas?

Maybe…maybe not.

At one time I myself aspired to be a screenwriter, but the more research I did on the matter, the more discouraged I became. I guess the fire in me doesn’t quite burn hot enough, as I’ve all but given up trying to shop my work. But my point is I think I have some pretty good (and original) ideas by golly. Hell, I’ve even got The Funhouse remake worked out in my head, and it’s a doozy. So, if I—the amateur wannabe—am chockfull of idea after idea, then why don’t the paid profesonals come up with more original stuff? Answer: The Powers That Be. The money guys only think they understand film. A lot of them don’t. Need proof? Check out what’s playing at your local Hollywood Theatre. Unfortunately, they’re the guys with the money—and the influence. That makes them the boss. gh…



I’m not here to pitch a bitch about the films that have been remade. I think it’s a little late for that. They’re here to stay and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. And some of these flicks are fun, especially with some booze—though some movies require more suds than others…maybe even hard liquor.

Anyway, if Hollywood absolutely has to remake older titles, why not remake the more obscure films and market them? Do these Tinsel Town Clowns really think we moviegoers need something familiar to get our butts in the theatres? Friday the 13th was new at one time. Halloween, too. They were fresh. Remember how novel A Nightmare on Elm Street was upon its initial release? When was the last time a movie made you feel that way?

So, if they absolutely, potively have to remake every mother fucking horror movie that’s already been done, let’s refresh horror fans’ minds with some of these: The Funhouse, The Burning, The Prowler, Happy Birthday to Me…hell, let’s remake Werewolf! Remember that 2 hour pilot movie for the TV series starring John J. York and Chuck Connors? Remake those damn films. Leave An American Werewolf in London alone. I’ve already seen it,.



I understand the psychology behind reproducing well-known films… I get it. It’s economically smart, but no less insulting. It just makes more sense to me to remake something that might only have a cult following. Remakes tend to breathe new life into the originals. Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, they were still relevant before the remakes.

No one’s gonna forget about them any time soon. Trust me. But films like The Funhouse could use a little modern-day shot in the arm.

Bedes, what are they gonna do when they run out of movies to remake?

I think it's time I wrote my mind on all of this...one last time. Eh never mind. Looks like you guys got it covered!

great article man.

Plz Check this out it a Idea i had For Freddy, Jason, Michael and Leatherface vs Remake Verisons Of Themself

http:

Great article, you hit the nail on the head. I never did understand the logic of "reintroducing horror icons to a new generation" gimmick. Everyone, including people who haven't even seen the originals, know who they are. Bedes, if they really want to reintroduce these characters, why not just show the originals again on the big screen? Call it a "throw back" or something. The producers really do just care about money and are practically honest about that now. It's no secret in hollywood that REAL horror fans hate these "reimaginings" of the clascs, they just don't care. Even worse, they're pulling this crap now where what is clearly a reboot (bacally remake) masquerades as some kinda sequel. The Thing was a prequel, not alot of people realized that as it borrowed so many elements from John Carpenter's and worse yet- they called it "The Thing"! Really?! You couldn't think of ANY little subtitle for that? C'mon. And now with the upcoming Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, it's the same god damn thing. It's supposed to be a sequel to the first one, but Tobe Hooper himself already made a sequel to the first one, and it already had Bill Moseley in it. Plus, when its released on DVD its just going to be called "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" making it the THIRD fuckin movie with that title and the SECOND time to reboot/cash in on the success of the first one. Just call it something else, shit! There's plenty of other less-well-known movies they could remake, but probably wouldn't get as much money. All the original and new shit is pretty much direct to video, just about any horror movie that gets released on the big screen these days is usually a remake or just something not that original to begin with. Oh, and when they're done remaking every horror film? They'll just remake them again, they're already doin it.

Ok fuck it, I'm chiming in.

SUPPORT THE INDIE FILMMAKERS!. QUIT BOOTLEGGING SHIT!

Honestly, I can understand if someone made a shitty movie with a consumer grade camera, whoever shows up, and a case of beer. (god i feel like a broken record already)

But guys, gals, it isn't easy for us. I've talked about this until I'm blue in the face and I'm going to do it again.

There are those of us who really give it everything we have. The entire task of making a film is treachorous. The whiny asses that complain about shit (believe me, it happens) the people who don't show up, then you always have ones who aren't even involved in the production de who try to jump in with "hey! I have an idea!". Please, let the director do his job and decide what the 'idea' should be, especially nce the script is already written. Folks, it isn't easy making a movie.

Then there's the setback of posbly long a location, a vehicle breaking down, oh hell, you get the point.

I'm not even going to start with money. Wait, yes I am. Hollywood has millions, we don't. Do I hate Hollywood? No, good for them. Do I hate all the remakes? Well, No, but I can see everyones point. Movies are going to be made whether they are remakes or original. I will say that I hate it for the horror fans because you're ready for something new. That would be nice.

Let's take a look at that for a moment... a deeper look.

What is the typical plot?

Twenty million bucks makes a movie about a bunch of kids who go somewhere and get killed.

A few thousand bucks makes a movie about a bunch of kids who go somewhere and get killed.

What's the difference? Bacally the picture quality and the special effects. (If you say CGI I'm going to shoot you in the ass)

What matters most in these saga's of cinema is the story. Hell, we all know that. You have a good story, you have a good movie. Top it off with people who will show up and do their job, some good SPFX people, good props, a good camera, awesome locations, food and water for everyone, a place to sleep, a good editor.............sounds easy doesn't it.

Oh but wait, I haven't even started on distribution. Go through a distributor, get pennies on the dollar, if they even pay you. You see, they have no "performance gaurantee" nor do they have to show you any type of sales reports.

Go with self distribution, good luck. That's even tougher. I've been there.

If you see a movie that interests you, make a note of it, if it has it's own webte then bookmark it, write it down, hell just Google the damn thing. If a filmmaker makes a film, he's going to have it available somehow.

Bottom line here people. There are those of us who want to do the best we can and provide you with what you want.

But if you don't support us... we won't be able to.

Ok fuck it, I'm chiming in.

SUPPORT THE INDIE FILMMAKERS!. QUIT BOOTLEGGING SHIT!

Honestly, I can understand if someone made a shitty movie with a consumer grade camera, whoever shows up, and a case of beer. (god i feel like a broken record already)

But guys, gals, it isn't easy for us. I've talked about this until I'm blue in the face and I'm going to do it again.

There are those of us who really give it everything we have. The entire task of making a film is treachorous. The whiny asses that complain about shit (believe me, it happens) the people who don't show up, then you always have ones who aren't even involved in the production de who try to jump in with "hey! I have an idea!". Please, let the director do his job and decide what the 'idea' should be, especially nce the script is already written. Folks, it isn't easy making a movie.

Then there's the setback of posbly long a location, a vehicle breaking down, oh hell, you get the point.

I'm not even going to start with money. Wait, yes I am. Hollywood has millions, we don't. Do I hate Hollywood? No, good for them. Do I hate all the remakes? Well, No, but I can see everyones point. Movies are going to be made whether they are remakes or original. I will say that I hate it for the horror fans because you're ready for something new. That would be nice.

Let's take a look at that for a moment... a deeper look.

What is the typical plot?

Twenty million bucks makes a movie about a bunch of kids who go somewhere and get killed.

A few thousand bucks makes a movie about a bunch of kids who go somewhere and get killed.

What's the difference? Bacally the picture quality and the special effects. (If you say CGI I'm going to shoot you in the ass)

What matters most in these saga's of cinema is the story. Hell, we all know that. You have a good story, you have a good movie. Top it off with people who will show up and do their job, some good SPFX people, good props, a good camera, awesome locations, food and water for everyone, a place to sleep, a good editor.............sounds easy doesn't it.

Oh but wait, I haven't even started on distribution. Go through a distributor, get pennies on the dollar, if they even pay you. You see, they have no "performance gaurantee" nor do they have to show you any type of sales reports.

Go with self distribution, good luck. That's even tougher. I've been there.

If you see a movie that interests you, make a note of it, if it has it's own webte then bookmark it, write it down, hell just Google the damn thing. If a filmmaker makes a film, he's going to have it available somehow.

Bottom line here people. There are those of us who want to do the best we can and provide you with what you want.

But if you don't support us... we won't be able to.

Did you read my "Bring Back The Mask" article? Now there's an up close and personal chance to support indie horror.

Hollywood is generic for the sake of the almighty cha-ching cha-ching!!! A good story is in the...story? What a novel concept.

Keep doin' your indie thing, man! I can only hope (and do a little dance) that filmgoers may one day wake up.

Ok fuck it, I'm chiming in.

SUPPORT THE INDIE FILMMAKERS!. QUIT BOOTLEGGING SHIT!

Honestly, I can understand if someone made a shitty movie with a consumer grade camera, whoever shows up, and a case of beer. (god i feel like a broken record already)

But guys, gals, it isn't easy for us. I've talked about this until I'm blue in the face and I'm going to do it again.

There are those of us who really give it everything we have. The entire task of making a film is treachorous. The whiny asses that complain about shit (believe me, it happens) the people who don't show up, then you always have ones who aren't even involved in the production de who try to jump in with "hey! I have an idea!". Please, let the director do his job and decide what the 'idea' should be, especially nce the script is already written. Folks, it isn't easy making a movie.

Then there's the setback of posbly long a location, a vehicle breaking down, oh hell, you get the point.

I'm not even going to start with money. Wait, yes I am. Hollywood has millions, we don't. Do I hate Hollywood? No, good for them. Do I hate all the remakes? Well, No, but I can see everyones point. Movies are going to be made whether they are remakes or original. I will say that I hate it for the horror fans because you're ready for something new. That would be nice.

Let's take a look at that for a moment... a deeper look.

What is the typical plot?

Twenty million bucks makes a movie about a bunch of kids who go somewhere and get killed.

A few thousand bucks makes a movie about a bunch of kids who go somewhere and get killed.

What's the difference? Bacally the picture quality and the special effects. (If you say CGI I'm going to shoot you in the ass)

What matters most in these saga's of cinema is the story. Hell, we all know that. You have a good story, you have a good movie. Top it off with people who will show up and do their job, some good SPFX people, good props, a good camera, awesome locations, food and water for everyone, a place to sleep, a good editor.............sounds easy doesn't it.

Oh but wait, I haven't even started on distribution. Go through a distributor, get pennies on the dollar, if they even pay you. You see, they have no "performance gaurantee" nor do they have to show you any type of sales reports.

Go with self distribution, good luck. That's even tougher. I've been there.

If you see a movie that interests you, make a note of it, if it has it's own webte then bookmark it, write it down, hell just Google the damn thing. If a filmmaker makes a film, he's going to have it available somehow.

Bottom line here people. There are those of us who want to do the best we can and provide you with what you want.

But if you don't support us... we won't be able to.

Did you read my "Bring Back The Mask" article? Now there's an up close and personal chance to support indie horror.

Hollywood is generic for the sake of the almighty cha-ching cha-ching!!! A good story is in the...story? What a novel concept.

Keep doin' your indie thing, man! I can only hope (and do a little dance) that filmgoers may one day wake up.

I have not read that, but will. Thanks man.

I don't mind remakes, because I go into the theater with an open mind. Of course, remakes can never out do the originals. This is yet another reason why I think I have a career in film making one day, because I have so many ideas, and I write so much all the time. When the day comes that they remake films like, "The Exorcist.", "The town that dreaded sundown.", "Dark night of the scarecrow" or even re-remake "Halloween", I will hop on a plain to Hollywood, and give them a piece of my fucking mind. I say we all write a strong letter to people like Michael Bay, and tell him just what exactly we think about his fucking remakes!

I don't mind remakes, because I go into the theater with an open mind. Of course, remakes can never out do the originals. This is yet another reason why I think I have a career in film making one day, because I have so many ideas, and I write so much all the time. When the day comes that they remake films like, "The Exorcist.", "The town that dreaded sundown.", "Dark night of the scarecrow" or even re-remake "Halloween", I will hop on a plain to Hollywood, and give them a piece of my fucking mind. I say we all write a strong letter to people like Michael Bay, and tell him just what exactly we think about his fucking remakes

MICHAEL BAY EXPLOONS!!! AAARRRGGGHHH EXPLOONS!!! PHFFFFTTT!!!!

I don't mind remakes, because I go into the theater with an open mind. Of course, remakes can never out do the originals. This is yet another reason why I think I have a career in film making one day, because I have so many ideas, and I write so much all the time. When the day comes that they remake films like, "The Exorcist.", "The town that dreaded sundown.", "Dark night of the scarecrow" or even re-remake "Halloween", I will hop on a plain to Hollywood, and give them a piece of my fucking mind. I say we all write a strong letter to people like Michael Bay, and tell him just what exactly we think about his fucking remakes

go ahead and reserve a ticket, lol. DNOTS was released on DVD about a year ago. I bought a copy because it's one of my all time favorites.