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You Asked And Here It Is; HorrorBid's Official 'Troll 2' Virgin Review

This review is courtesy of Bidite reviewer Will (The Film Reel) and "Troll 2" virgin. You wanted someones take on the film that never witnessed it before and Will (who was a closet "Troll 2" virgin) was more than shocked as most people are who watch it for the first time.

It was finally my pleasure last night to watch Troll 2, apparently the best worst movie ever. I’ve gotta say that it certainly isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen and it’s not the best worst movie I’ve seen either. I was actually expecting this one to be much, much worse. Don’t be mistaken here though, this movie certainly is terrible!

The dialogue is terribly written and horribly delivered but it’s all presented in that so bad it’s good way. It’s not really posble to express through written words just how awful the line delivery is, so instead I found a perfect clip.

Now for a super low budget effort, this one features a couple of good gore scenes, especially the kid in the car when all the branches start bursting out of him. It’s no masterpiece but it can at least satisfy the bloodlust you’ll feel while watching the movie. Usually anything involving someone turning into a plant was done well enough. Oh that’s right, in case you haven’t seen the film yet I should explain. Alright, the Waits family is bacally doing a family exchange program where they’ll live in Nilbog (did you notice it’s goblin spelled backwards yet?) for a month, trading houses with the Presents family. Joshua Waits is warned by his dead grandfather not to go to the town because it’s full of goblins, not trolls like you would assume from the title. Nobody listens to the little kid of course and they wind up being assaulted by, wait for it….. vegetarian goblins.

That’s why people are turning into plants. The goblins don’t eat meat so they need to change the people into plants. They do this by disguing themselves as humans and tricking people into eating this green slop, which reminds me of the slime from You Can’t Do That On Televion (Canadian kids rejoice as we all remember that show!). Why anyone would even think of eating this stuff is beyond me, I mean, just look at it!

Mmmm, nothing says dinner like toothpaste on corn. Now if the goblins are vegetarians and there’s plenty of corn to eat, not to mention they’re all in the middle of a giant forest and they’re all farmers, why are they trying to turn people into plants and goo to eat? The absurdity of the movie never stops. To stop his family from eating all that food, Joshua climbs up on the table and pees on the food which leads to the line that seems to be a favorite ‘You can’t piss on hospitality.’ Who comes up with this stuff? There’s also Joshua’s dead grandfather who not only appears to and talks to Joshua but manages to kick one little goblins butt. Couldn’t grandpa just show up and toss the parents around a little? Maybe they would have listened to Joshua before they head into Nilbog to be turned into goop for the goblins.

I’m sure a lot of problems come from this being an Italian production with American actors. There’s a language barrier there that must be destroying everything. How else could nobody notice just how bad all the acting was. I bet I could fill an entire days worth of writing about all the wonderfully terrible parts of this film but I just don’t have that much time. There’s a dance scene with the Waits’ daughter Holly that was incredibly ridiculous followed by the worst acting ever as she practices a speech to her boyfriend in the mirror. Now if you’ve seen the movie you’re probably already chuckling to yourself as you remember some of these moments and if you haven’t seen the film then you can take my word that you will find plenty to enjoy here. And don’t forget the scene towards the end of the film as Joshua keeps the goblins away with his secret weapon, a double decker bologna sandwich! Of course the sandwich was given to him by the ghost of his dead grandfather who apparently has the ability to cook but doesn’t have the ability to help Joshua escape.

I guess just having the movie full of goblins wasn’t enough for the filmmakers as they have to throw in a generous helping of creepy locals and one witch. Or I assume she’s a witch. Hell, she’s something alright and takes over-acting to a level I have never seen before. Honestly, I wish I could just fill this post up with clips from the movie but that would just take away from the hilarious experience of watching the entire flick. A perfect example of so bad it’s good cinema. It’s so bad that Michael Stephenson, who played Joshua and was probably the best actor in the film, decided to make a documentary about Troll 2 called Best Worst Movie. Now that’s a documentary that I really must see.

This is just one of those movies that has to be seen. Absolutely everything about it is terrible and the end result is one of the most fun experiences ever. Best suited for a giant movie night in your own home with plenty of popcorn, beer and friends. I’m pretty sure you’ll all end up laughing so hard it hurts and then you’ll spend the next few weeks telling people that you ‘can’t piss on hospitality’ or that to make popcorn you just need to ‘heat it up’. This flick is all over the place, probably a lot like this review seems but the more I write, the more I remember about the movie. I guess I’ll just have to watch it again, you know, to make sure I didn’t miss anything really funny. Do yourself a favor and check this one out.

Under the marquee - Will (The Film Reel)
Horror Domain - Cursed Evil Overlord Sunday 3/04/2012 at 01:35 AM | 91082
there is a cool movie on netflix about this movie called Best Worst Movie

its kind of a making of/cast reunion and in depth documentary about the cult following it has

check it out
Johnny Bisco Sunday 3/04/2012 at 08:57 AM | 91086