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"Do the Mambo!" Blood Diner (1987) Review

When you've seen as many movies as I have, you're bound to come across some odd ducks. After I finished Wes Craven's The People Under the Stairs, I thought that I'd never see anything weirder. Then I happened upon a little known film directed by Brian Yuzna called Society. If you've seen that movie, you know how weird it is, especially the "shunting." I first read about Blood Diner in a list of horror movies not on DVD yet. The author of the list called it a "clunker", so I refrained from seeing it for a while. I was bored one day, so I looked it up on YouTube. I saw a clip from the movie, and needless to say, from that moment on, I was dying to see it. I eventually purchased a copy of the film and watched it late one night. What did I think of it? Read on, because we're taking a trip to the...

Blood Diner 1987 Review

The movie starts off in 1968 with two kids, George (who's making clay food) and Mike (who's working on his hypnotism) who are alone in the house when suddenly a man beats down the door (which appears to be made out of cardboard) with a meat cleaver! The man turns out to be their Uncle Anwar, who gives them both necklaces and tells them both never to forget him or Sheetar, an ancient goddess he has been teaching them about. Anwar goes outde and is promptly shot down by the police. 19 years later, the brothers dig up Anwar's grave and remove his brain and eyeballs and place them in a jar. Anwar can somehow speak to them without vocal chords, so he can give them guidance as to how they can resurrect Sheetar with a sacrificial virgin and make a "blood buffet". The twosome begin hunting and killing trashy women across the city, whose body parts the use either to assemble Sheetar's body or prepare the blood buffet. George and Mike operate a diner, so they use leftover parts in their daily specials. Mike sets his eyes on a young virgin who he will sacrifice to Sheetar once she awakens. Two cops who are on the case get a whiff of what's going on, but can they stop them in time before Sheetar awakens?" class="photoborder" /> Blood Diner was originally put into production as a sequel to H.G. Lewis' 1964 splatter clasc Blood Feast. However, that idea fell through so they decided to spoof it instead. The young Mike character was actually portrayed by a female actress, Roxanne Cybelle. It was finished in three weeks, and upon release, Blood Diner was banned in several areas of Canada. To say Blood Diner is crazy is a major understatement. I can't even find the words to say how insane this movie is. It's filled with incredibly looney moments that are hilarious to watch. However, part of the reason they are so hilarious is that they come completely out of the blue, so if you want to read about them, be my guest, but I'd advise you not to. If you have a burning dere to read about them, click here:

Whilst wearing ridiculous disco fashions, the brothers try and get into a club, but the bouncer prevents them. George throws him into the street where a car with hydraulics crushes his head, while the crowd just laughs at his misfortune. The other bouncer lets them and says to the dead body, "Hey Jim, you all right?" In a spoof on the murder scene on the beach, George attacks a couple when theyre about to have sex. Right when George is about to kill the girl, she stands up buck naked and whips out some kung-fu moves on him!The rival chef has a life-ze plush doll of a cowboy he makes talk through ventriloquism. The brothers cut off both of the rival chefs hands and he attempts to drive a car afterwards. The topless cheerleader/aerobics squad that get gunned down by Mike in a Ronald Reagan mask. And, my favorite, a fat biker getting run over with a van repeatedly because he just wont die, all set to mambo muc! Believe me, theres so much more where that came from. The acting was exceptionally hammy, but I loved every minute of it. The pace was brisk and it never drags anywhere in the film. Every scene in the movie had something going for it, whether it was funny or just gory. Director Jackie Kong knows exactly what type of film it is and she never treats it as anything different. It sets out to be a spoof of Blood Feast and it achieves this without going to disastrous means to pull a laugh from the audience (Epic Movie). At the end, Blood Diner turns into a zombie movie so sudden, I didn't know what hit me. That's what's great about Blood Diner: It catches you with your pants down and sucker punches you every chance it gets. Blood Diner isn't on DVD yet, and that surprises me. It has acquired a very large following nce its release and is a definite favorite among the horror fans that have seen it. Bedes, Dragon Releang over in Germany gave Blood Diner a very nice Digipack release with an all-new transfer, booklet, and more. I'd love to see Blood Diner done justice on DVD here in the U.S., but all we can do is hope. So now the big question: Do I like this movie? The answer: No. I don't like this movie. I LOVE IT! It's such a crazy, indescribably fun experience to watch!, especially with a group setting! However, this type of humor isn't for everyone. If you're not a fan of comedy that involves multiple "WTF?" moments, I'd say you'd better read about some of the occurrences in Blood Diner before purchang. However, if you do like that kind of comedy, Blood Diner will leave you satisfied, but you'll definitely want to go back for seconds and thirds!
ObscureCinema101 Friday 8/05/2011 at 01:44 AM | 80024