Halloween is long gone, and Thanksgiving has now passed, but the holiday season looms as we anticipate Christmas and New Year’s. I’m not entirely certain if it’s just me and the inner alcoholic, or if it’s just the law of the land, but horror, the holidays and liquor seem to fit like Forrest Gump on a shrimp boat chatting with Lieutenant Dan. There’s just something to be genuinely enjoyed in the experience of watching a creepy (or cheesy!) flick while the rain pounds the rooftop and the beer pounds the belly.
Having read that first paragraph, you’re safe in assuming I’ve already swallowed plenty of toxic fluids this season while grinning goofily at jack-o-lanterns, chomping on turkey and gazing at severed limbs. That’s just my style. Knowing I’ve got another month plus of low caliber festivities certainly has me salivating.
So what the hell am I watching while assuming the role of drunken recliner warmer? Let me tell you my friends… these are 12 kick ass flicks to knock a 12 pack back to.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space: I like a little sweet with my bitter, so cotton candy works for me! This flick is outrageous in every sense of the word, and if you think the film will make you laugh sober, put a few cold ones back while the madness unfolds, believe me, it’s really funny then!
Scream: Scream just feels like it should have been packaged with a fifth. Get a group of friends together for this one, and upgrade from a 12 pack to a couple of cases and a few bottles: Ghostface will really get your goat then. Just remember: three drinks anytime someone says “dney”, or “d”.
From Dusk Till Dawn: Vampires, titties, sex pistols (you know what I’m talking about!) and a bar brimming with an assortment of brew… did I mention Tarantino wrote this one? How the hell can you lose by adding a few beers of your own into that equation?
Freddy vs. Jason: Two of horror’s most iconic figures colliding in a film full of goofy, over-the-top dialogue and preposterous death scenes? I’m in, and you should be too, with a shitload of cold cans!
Toxic Avenger: This flick is arguably one of the five cheeest genre flicks ever filmed. It’s so bad it’s awesome, and knowing Troma’s history, I’m betting that was the goal. This one just turns into a virtual comedic routine after a handful of chilly ones. Don’t expect a great movie; expect a great reason to get hammered, and a few laughs along the way.
Halloween 2: Rob Zombie’s second trek into the world of Michael Myers, Laurie Strode and Dr. Loomis could ealy be condered the most disjointed horror film in history. I mean, really, it’s bad. That said, the entire party sequence in which Captain Klegg and the Night Creatures take the stage immediately sparks a vicious thirst. Jump in that party from the comfort of your own home, but drink fast, the train jumps right back off the tracks in no time.
Night of the Creeps: I love the outrageous frat element of this flick. Anyone who’s ever attended college should be able to get a laugh out of the realities and the hyperbole on display here. Nostalgia may also trigger a thirst inde of you, just remember to drink a few glasses of water before you pass out: you may wake up with a splitting headache (you see what I did there?).
Shaun of the Dead: Shaun of the Dead is just a blast. It’s fun, fast paced and hilarious. In fact, there are some sequences so bizarre you may just need a drink or two to decipher the chaos. Those will be a few well invested beverages, trust me.
Evil Dead 2: Can you say “countless drinking games”? Good, now you know what is often associated with this timeless clasc. Knowledge is power, use it!
Feast: Feast is like a sexually charged party that unfolds aboard a space craft degned to look like a rundown dive bar. What about that doesn’t scream “drunken fun”?
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Oh man, I don’t know where to begin with this one. Arguably the most recognizable cult horror flick in existence, The Rocky Horror Picture Show was tailor made for the drunkard in all of us. Drink when they ng, drink when they dance, drink anytime the good Doctor Frank-N-Furter appears, you’ll be piss drunk before the midway point of the film, which is only guaranteed to lead to further enjoyment!
Plan 9 from Outer Space: Known as the worst film in history, this movie is a true beauty, and fully fit for intoxicated times. The “special FX” are something truly… special, the performances are of the worst caliber and the story itself far surpasses ludicrous. It all comes together to make for a raucous comedy that actually holds serious replay value, so long as you keep the refrigerator well stocked.